The Legend of the .01-Mile Man

"The Legend of the .01-Mile Man" There once was a man named Carl. Carl was a big guy—not just in size, but in personality. He loved donuts, detested stairs, and had long ago declared war on anything labeled “low fat.” One day, while polishing off a family-sized bag of chips meant for six (Carl considered that a serving suggestion), he watched a documentary about hikers conquering Everest. Inspired, he declared, “If they can climb Everest, I can walk .01 miles!” Now, .01 miles is roughly 52.8 feet—about half a basketball court. But Carl didn’t pick just any sidewalk. No, he chose the steepest, hilliest, twistiest park trail in town. A place where even squirrels walked sideways from the incline. On Day One, Carl strapped on his brand-new walking shoes (which still had the price tags flapping), stretched dramatically like a pro athlete, took five steps… and sat on a bench wheezing like an asthmatic accordion. He blamed the incline. And the humidity. And the mysterious grav...